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November 9, 2016

Questions I Don't Want Answers To

I used to be so curious. I was proud of my agog nature that caused me to ask whatever inquisition piqued my interest. The thirst for knowledge was real, information was everywhere and I wanted to have it. But these days? Nope. Shut up, I've asked you nothing. 

Now all I have are questions that I never want answers to. Toddler life has me like, “Dylan, what’s on your shoe?” or, “What did you just put in your mouth Adrian?" And even a, “Did you just say you're 'wiggling your wiener?'" The questions don't stop and quite frankly I resent having to ask them, since the answers require additional questions that tend to veer towards disgust, panic, and/or more work for mommy. And guess what? I'm ALWAYS mommy. 

So, I squirm in silence. I try my very best to resist what comes naturally and bed the who/what/wheres and whys but BAM! I'm baited and I just cant- I MUST KNOW, "What are you holding in your hand?" 
"A sticker."
"Where did you get a sticker?" 
"I found it mommy."
"May I see it?" Just look at me go. 
"You can't touch it, you can only look, okay?" My son says to me as I've said to him so many times before. 

Oh, wow! What a cool sticker! It looks exactly like a bloody used band-aid you'd find on the street after six weeks of foot traffic. Insert gagging here. 

But I get it, I did the right thing for the kid by asking. It was practically my duty to ensure he wasn't holding something dangerous or disgusting like a stranger's used bandage. Only now that I've done my parental due diligence, I'm left with the dismal reality that my son is merely a young lass who doesn't know shit about shit and that there are so many more interesting discoveries still to come. 

And sure, it's not all icky. Some very good laughs come from asking a toddler 15 consecutive questions in order to figure out what the fuck is going on in your household. "Honey, why are you sleeping on the dirty floor?"
"I'm just laying down like a piece of poop mommy!" Oh, lol, carry on.

Sometimes though, I'd rather skip the Q&A and look the other way. Maybe, just maybe, I don't need to know that my son is chewing on (and enjoying) a stale old cracker he found from god knows where. How is learning such info truly going to serve me, anyway? Cursed are the curious and dammed are those daring enough to ask questions they don't want the answers to. Or in other words, toddler life is the cat curiosity would rather play with than kill.

July 21, 2016

Summer Life - Road Trips

This shop has been compensated by Collective Bias, Inc. and its advertiser. All opinions are mine alone. #RoadTripOil #CollectiveBias

Road trips are a serious business. You can’t just get in the car and start driving around aimlessly, one must prepare for a journey on the open road. And if there are kids involved, preparation is life. I always said I wouldn’t take a road trip until my kids were out of car seats but that took too long. We’re in the smack of summer and California beaches are calling for me! I’m ready to road trip NOW! So I somehow convinced (aka promised) my husband that a mini-road trip from Orange County to San Diego would be manageable. Plus, look how worth it is is:

But my husband and I have conflicting ideas of what the most important preparation for a road trip is. His focus? The car. My focus? Snacks. But with Walmart? We both win, and that’s where the fun begins.

I don't know if I'm just a lucky ducky or what, but we pulled right into the Automotive Care Center (you can locate yours here) of Walmart and asked the Care Specialist for a Pennzoil® oil change. But which type? There's the Pennzoil® High Mileage Vehicle® and the Pennzoil Platinum®: Full Synthetic Motor Oil with PurePlus™ Technology. Our car has more than 75k miles on it so we went with High Mileage, but in hindsight, I wish we'd gone Platinum just to say we did. Ultimately, all Pennzoil® products help clean out the sludge lesser oils leave behind and is designed to be a "complete protection" that affords an extra 550 miles per year...AND! High Mileage is on rollback through September 15: $35.88 (normally $39.88)! Clearly that meant I could buy an extra three bag of chips…for the road of course, lol.

As our car was being pampered by Pennzoil® we ventured through Walmart to prepare for summer trip. 

These are my personal list of 5 essentials for any road trip, mini or long that I take to ensure a successful journey: 

- Sunscreen 
- Snacks: Trail mix, chips 
- First Aid Kit 
- A prepared car (Hello oil change)
- A stuffed dachshund 

My FAVORITE aisle.

We did it! We crossed our t’s and dotted our i’s in an hour! The Zepeda family (car included) is ready to hit the I-5 and head out to San Diego’s beaches!

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Pennzoil® is the only way to start your road trip, you can learn more about Pennzoil® here: 

July 18, 2016

True Story: Terrified of My Daughter

I learned very quickly after having my first child that there's no controlling who your kid will be. This means instead of molding my son to be a pink-wearing-doll-playing feminist, Dylan was born ready to roll in mud, decapitate barbies, and practice sexism. Apparently, all claims I made about how I'd raise "my child," were fulfilled by an opposite reality. And the more confident and boisterous I was about it, the more obnoxiously different the reality was.

My favorite (and least favorite) example of this is when I scoffed at a mom changing her toddler's diaper, declaring that "ew," my child would be potty trained before his first birthday, because, why not? Three years later and my kid twitches if you mention the potty and his diapers are so damn big that they're an online-only item. Yes, things are going as planned. FML.

So throughout my second pregnancy I knew better than to open my cursed mouth. If a "my child" thought came into my head, I put it out like a kitchen fire. My mantra? Don't think it, don't speak it, definitely don't risk it.  So when my second child was finally born, I was ready for whatever. But Adrian is so far from "whatever." She's terrifying. 

Becoming acquainted with Adrian was no picnic. Sure, I loved her, but she was born demonic and constantly screaming. Every night was the same as the night before: full-blown colic. If you're not familiar with colic, lucky you. It basically means your baby cries inconsolably for reasons unknown and therefore it cannot be stopped. It's a special kind of shit show that I had a VIP ticket to until one day, it just ended. I don't know how or why, but one day Adrian just stopped crying and became the most amazing baby ever. 

Yes, that's right. My colic riddled baby went from spawn of Satan to sainthood overnight. And now? I'm terrified. I suddenly find myself with the most easy going little girl. I can take her anywhere and do anything because little Adrian is going to observe quietly and patiently. How did that happen? No idea. Why did it happen? No idea. Will it last? Again, I have no idea. But I'd like it to- she is my dream baby! She's the most perfect little child I could have ever imagined! We have such a good thing going that I don't know if I could bounce back should she revert to the scream fest days.  

Trust me, I'm not banking on shit. Having kids has taught me not to count unhatched eggs and to never get too comfortable with today because tomorrow can always LOL all over your face. So should you notice my shoulders tense up while fear washes across my face as you begin singing my insanely well-behaved daughter praises, please know that my reaction is one of a true believer in the law of jinx, and I therefore have no comment. 

June 9, 2016


The last time I blogged I was in the thick of misery as a pregnant mom rearing a 2 year old with all kinds of preterm labor scares and ridiculousness. But hooray! Those days have come and gone and I can finally step back long enough to enjoy and appreciate the crazy little journey I've gone through and take the time to announce: OMG, I HAVE A DAUGHTER!!! And holy shit...I have two kids!

On January 7th at 3 something in the morning I received my very own little girl, Adrian Jules. And boy oh boy is she a gem.

Anyone who has more than one kid can attest that no two pregnancies are alike, nor are the babies themselves. Adrian and Dylan are total opposites- which is both super fun and super annoying. For instance:

  • Dylan was a 20+ hour labor; Adrian was an 8 hour labor.
  • Baby Dylan didn't cry; baby Adrian screamed as if she was being skinned alive every day from 5pm - 10pm until she turned 3 months old.
  • Dylan reserved all of his affections for his dad (I was chopped liver); Adrian can't get enough of me (YAY!).
  • Dylan couldn't roll over for the life of him; Adrian is practically doing somersaults.
  • Dylan slept through the night at 11 weeks old; Adrian...HAHA! We're on week 22- what's sleep?

But I'm not complaining. Sure, there's colic, sleep deprivation, and extra work now that my children-count has multiplied, but I am SO HAPPY! Adrian Jules is the little girl I never knew I couldn't live without. So please consider this a formal proclamation of my unwavering, unconditional, and boundless love I have for my most precious little Adrian.

And also...I'm back!