DIZMOMMY > Isn't Anyone Concerned?


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April 22, 2015

Isn't Anyone Concerned?

Two years into Dylan’s life and I’m just waiting for a cop to show up at the front door to arrest me for some sort of hard knock crime I'm not responsible for. I worry about the passerby who strolls past my abode and hears the shrilling screams and death calls my toddler emits throughout the day. I almost feel compelled to stick a sign in the yard with a terrible-twos disclaimer just to ward my reputation. 

You see, I've been a big supporter of the wild ride that is Dylan’s emotional flux since the very beginning. My kid has always been a super emotional brute who feels things intensely and as a result, cries. A LOT. Over many things. The normal stuff and the fussy stuff. Seatbelt too tight, wrong tone, wrong movement, wrong word, wrong snack, wrong part of the day, mom didn't catch a bird...anything at any time can  can trigger a full-blown snotty, pierce-pitching meltdown. Though I can usually tell when Dylan is teetering into a tail spinning crisis, I'm clueless as to why things get him worked up as much they do other than they just do.

His kidnap pitch is some next level shit and it isn't used sparingly because it's triggered by being misunderstood; and when you're 2, that's pretty common. Everything is a hypothesis. And even if I do figure out that yelping the word “soon” is actually a request for a “spoon,” there's no guarantee that I get to pass Go and collect $200.  The consequence for failing to understand Dylan the first ten times comes in the form of decibels that the whole neighborhood gets to enjoy.  (Sorry guys.)

Still, I'm trying. Aka I continue to play the toddler-speak version of charades and patiently anticipate the day authorities will knock down the door in response to Dylan's, “HELP! MY MOM IS TRYING TO SKIN ME ALIVE!” sounds. And quite frankly, what's taking so long?

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