Asking me “What’s new?” is a surefire way to throw my brain into a tizzy. I mean, “new?” Heck if I know! I can hardly remember whether or not I ate lunch yesterday. Perhaps I’m guilty of overthinking what’s worth reporting, but I have to wonder- do you really want to know about my toddler’s recent trip to the doctor, or my dog’s dumpster diving mishap, or the constant flux of laundry that is spilling over the hamper and onto the floor? Doubt it. So either I’m as boring as they come, or I’m too busy working full-time and raising a 2 year old to know which side is up. But in lieu of my typical shrug and “Nothing’s new” response, this is what I’ve been doing lately:
- Reading Fox in Socks twelve times in a row (by demand, obviously).
- Doing my best to maintain composure when a flailing, screaming child won’t follow me into the house.
- Planning and waiting for the most opportune moment to swoop in and leave the park sans tantrum.
- Trying to prevent Dylan from putting his arm down every trashcan we pass.
- Wishing someone had gifted me a kid-leash at my baby shower (so many years ago).
- Strategically dropping potty-training hints in hopes of piquing some interest.
- Shouting, “He’s mine!” at concerned strangers who spot a seemingly unsupervised toddler running past them.
- Struggling to keep up with the aforementioned running toddler, who grows cagier by my closing distance.
- Making an effort to shake the toddler speak I’ve picked up from overexposure.
- Trying not to worry why my son pretends his stuffed animals are crying.
- Hoping the waiter doesn’t notice my son poking him with a fork as he passes our table.
- Explaining to family that my 2 year old is saying “trucks,” not “fucks.”
- Stopping myself from laughing when Dylan says, “Shut up mommy” in response to correcting his behavior.
- Redefining the meaning of life on the D.L to be dishes and laundry.
- Regretting ever having taught Dylan the term, “One more and no more.”
- Negotiating with a 2 year old.
- Wondering what I’m going to make for dinner.
So when I hit you with the “nothings new” shrug, just know that the alternative response involves dumping out and burying you in all the loose change from my memory bank. And you know what? No news is good news. Your welcome.
|I'm also kissing, hugging, loving on and soaking up every minute of this child's youth that I possibly can.|