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September 9, 2014

My Son, the Snob.

It’s no secret that I’m my son’s biggest fan…but dang, the kid wastes no time making me look bad. His quest for independence is at an all-time high and in turn, his behavior is ruthless, cruel, and flat out show-stopping. At first glance, it’s hard to see him for the terror that he truly is. He runs around pointing out airplanes and trucks, spreads that highly contagious kid laughter that melts even the coldest of hearts, and he sports a smile like he invented it! But the moment you try to slow him down, he’ll shit on you…and it’s humiliating. 

On Sunday, we attended my sister-in-law’s 10 year wedding vow renewal ceremony. We were surrounded by family who love Dylan and were excited to see him- but the feeling was far from mutual. Instead of saying hi to familiar faces like a polite toddler would do, Dylan pretended he couldn’t hear their calls. And instead of visiting with grandparents and enjoying their affections, Dylan delivered his disinterest with dramatic rejection, not limited to falling on the ground and screaming in protest. Having to acknowledge someone’s presence? What an inconvenience. And quite frankly, how dare you exist. 

No one wants to deal with a fussy child, and that’s where things get tricky. Dylan seems totally approachable. I mean, just look how happy he is! Running around, being all cute and stuff. But don’t be fooled. Dylan doesn’t care if you’re the photographer just trying to do your job, grandpa just wanting a kiss, or anyone else simply wanting to stop and say hi to the cute little guy; Dylan won’t think twice about pushing you out of his way and screaming bloody murder should you try to stop him. 

Though it can be tough to admit as I watch Dylan hypothetically swat people from a distance, that’s my boy! So on behalf of my snot of a son, I’m sorry. Just consider his blatant disregard for your feelings and his atrocious social skills as part of the whole Dylan experience. And like a bad breakup, please remember that it’s not you, it’s him! And uhm…we’re working on it, thanks for understanding.