DIZMOMMY > I've Turned My Son Into a Couch Potato

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August 6, 2014

I've Turned My Son Into a Couch Potato

I have a love/hate relationship with television. Vegging out to trashy reality shows is totally part of my bedtime routine. Yet, I resent wasting precious time dumbing down to said trash. So when Dylan was born, so was the T.V. ban….that is, Dylan’s T.V. ban. Parenting practically requires the presence of double standards! Right? The purpose of the ban was to encourage Dylan to engage in any activity other than sitting around; there’s plenty of time for that later on in life (said the mom with a measly 1 hour 15 minutes of “free time” per day). 

The ban has been great! Up until recently, Dylan’s only T.V. exposure had been the occasional background noise at my mom’s house. Wait, did you catch that? Up until recently. You see, a couple of weeks ago my husband suggested we get Dylan some movies. He must’ve caught me in a great mood because within days our DVD collection included “Surfs Up” and “Open Season.” You know, kid movies. “Surfs Up” fell flat and I was thrilled by Dylan’s anti-climactic reaction to his first film experience. Yay! Obviously my ban was super effective and I had successfully trained his brain to reject couch potato tendencies. DAMN I’M GOOD! 

Yeah right. All it took was two minutes of “Open Season” to transform Dylan into a movie-feigning FREAK. Suddenly Dylan can’t pass the living room without pointing to the T.V. and requesting, “Movie? Movie? Movie? Pleeeeease?” And if I cave (which I often do), he begins cheering me on like a pep squad. The kid will do anything in exchange for movie time! He’ll kiss, bring the remote, throw away trash, he’ll even let me make dinner without tugging on my leg and crying! It’s hard to resist such adorable manipulation because getting things done without being bogged down by a needy toddler is what dreams are made of. But look at me now, I’ve created a film consuming monster that begs me to restart the dvd as soon as it ends. 

So what’s a girl to do? Express her concerns to her husband of course! His response? “When I said we should get Dylan ‘movies,’ I meant educational ones.” Oh yeah…duh. I think I’ll just take Dylan to the park from now on because I clearly have no business in show business.