DIZMOMMY > My Zero Toddlerance Policy

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July 22, 2014

My Zero Toddlerance Policy

I accidentally invented a word. You see, each time I make plans that require leaving the house with my 1 year old, I have to consider multiple factors (nap time, travel time, sitting time) or otherwise suffer grave and unpredictable consequences. Though I long to be the parent that isn’t fazed by their toddler’s screaming and demanding public displays of independence, I’m not there yet. (First child syndrome?) So instead, I do my very best to prepare for the worst and then cower, distract, or escape when the mood swings strike. I try not to let Dylan’s antics hold me back but sometimes I can’t help it- my toddlerance is practically nonexistent! You like that huh, toddlerance

If only my iPhone had as much energy as Dylan! The kid hardly loses power and recharges remarkably fast. The simple days of caring for a snoozing vegetable are long gone and toddler life has me spinning through time. He can’t sit still for more than ten minutes before whizzing away to cut off some innocent stranger who nearly trips over the little person that popped up out of nowhere, he has a full-on attitude, and will fart, shout, or otherwise humiliate you through violence anytime/any place. 

Technically we don’t need the term “toddlerance” but hey! We don’t need the world “selfie” either! Plus, how else am supposed to summarize the threshold I have for a food-flinging, high-pitched screaming, rowdy 1 year old who stands up in his highchair every five seconds following my very specific instructions to “SIT DOWN?” (Don’t answer that.) The blatant disregard toddlers have for the general public is certainly worth noting; and a term for one's ability to endure said toddler-prone disturbances is way overdue. So toddlerance it is! You’re welcome.