Even though I’ve [pretty much] come to terms with the fact (yes, it’s a fact) that toddlers are unintentionally evil, the struggle is real. For the past couple of weeks, my fatty-little-big-boy has decided that he no longer needs to eat meals, he just needs to taste them. It’s his new “thing.” It makes breakfast, lunch, and dinner an epic fail every time. Dylan has been historically fat, eating twice, sometimes triple of what a kid his age
would should be eating, so I thought perhaps the food itself has become the problem. Oh, he’s learning what he likes! Oh, he’s sick of eggs; he doesn’t like cheese. Oh, this rice is hot!
But there’s just no way; Dylan’s food rejection is far too frequent to be picky eating. Besides, picky? HAH! Dylan is practically a garbage disposal; three weeks ago he would’ve eaten a piece of paper with an “Mmm” if I let him. But sure, he's picky. If by "picky" you mean he only pulls the chew & spit behavior with mom and dad. So what gives? I cross-checked the possibilities: too many snacks in between meals? Too much water? New-found flavor/texture discrimination? Highchair contention? Let’s get mommy to lose her shit syndrome? Who knows!? The bottom line is the kid needs to eat. Why? Cue the Mom Anthem: BECAUSE I SAID SO.
My house looks fairly normal from the outside. One would never guess that there’s a war taking place behind those walls. You’d never anticipate dinner being flung at your face when you open the front door. I might even hand you the problem child with a stern, “GOOD LUCK” before locking myself away in the bathroom until the
food dust settles. But don’t worry, I’m not just escaping the wrath of a baby gone bad, I’m googling search terms and coming up with obvious clever ways to get this situation under control. Because when all else fails, there’s nothing like 23 different websites all telling you the same thing: toddlers are evil rebels without a cause.