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May 19, 2014

Invconvienence v. Opportunity: Learning It's All Good From Da Baby


I had a moment of pure bliss the other day when I was chasing Dylan at the park. Out of nowhere he stopped, looked to the sky, pointed at the moon and said, “Ball!” I was cracking up. That kid spreads so much joy and light into my life- it’s inspiring...I want to be like that too!

Up until recently, I thought I was pretty easy going. LOL. You know, because easy going people totally let potential toddler breakdowns determine whether they go out to dinner or not. And easy going people always use apps to track each minute their child sleeps. 

I’m a control freak. I can tell because I wake up knowing what I’m going to make for dinner, what time I have to get home in order to cook it, and if any unforeseen events interfere with that schedule, I will modify as needed. So sorry Dylan, even though you haven’t seen me all day and all you want is for me to read that book you keep flopping in my face, I’m busy speed chopping an onion. But I don’t want to be that way, so I’ve been trying to pay attention to my internal dialogue and WOW! It’s disturbing. 

Apparently I spend a lot of time in my head disappointed with traffic, annoyed with strangers, convincing myself I’m right, and trying to get things to go my way. Processing information and experiences comes so naturally that I didn’t even realize how closed off I was. I want to be open to all the fullness life has to offer, but if I’m hung up on the fact I lost ten minutes of my night in traffic because that stupid big rig was driving like molasses, how can I be open to receiving anything? So I’m reconstructing my entire perspective and I’ve started editing my internal dialogue. Instead of “WTF,” I go for, “What can I take from this?” Instead of, “freaking lady get out of the fast lane if you want to go slow!” I’m saying, “Patience? Challenge accepted.


So, if you see me taking a deep breath before reacting, or if I am unusually zen, there's no need to commit me to a psych-ward; I'm just trying to be more like Dylan, all inspiring and shit.