I want to be all peaches and cream with well wishes and support for everyone, especially for those that are well-wishing me. I want to [strictly] harness positive energy and squash any and all negativity without paying it any mind, like some sort of jolly giant that doesn’t see the bugs in its path as it crunches along. But despite my all-smiles nature and happy ambitions, my dark side is legit. When I’m crossed, when I’m cheated, when something just ain’t right, I’m striking like lightening and chasing like thunder…which is really just a fancy writer’s way of saying I’m a bitch, yoooow.
Please know I’m not malicious- just a feeler! I feel things immensely and my passion knows no bounds. It’s responsible for my disdain towards Wal-Mart, demise of friendships, this post, and the reason I hid the “12 Years a Slave” DVD from my husband for a week (it will ruin me). One time I was so rattled by seeing a businessman throw trash on the ground from his parked car, I marched over to him, picked it up, and asked him why he was such an inconsiderate pig (ouch). And now that I’m a mom and have this incredible love for another human life like none I’ve ever known or understood, there’s a whole new set of triggers that will take me to the dark side. So in advance, I’m sorry.
I’m sorry because I only give a couple passes. And I only recently realized that the blogosphere isn’t necessarily a safe environment from my wrath. I mostly get along with everyone from all walks of life but damn! I was reading/following a seemingly nice mom’s blog for a couple of weeks when I realized, WHOA- she’s freaking evil. I’m a big proponent of adoption…especially older children The thought of a baby/child/person not knowing a parent’s love kills me and I want everyone to feel special, protected, and to know that they are somebody’s baby. So when I read this person going on about the hollow relationship and lack of love toward their step-child because they didn’t have the “physical connection,” I was taken aback. I wanted to like this person. I continued to read past entries, looking for a bit of honey to coat my throat that was just itching to say something- but I didn’t find any. Instead, there were more and more entries about how annoying, inconvenient, and upsetting this child was making her.
I bit my tongue (it’s still bleeding). I don’t want to start some sort of war of words, hurt anyone’s feelings, or go here, there, anywhere. I’m just a working mom from southern California who is as imperfect and makes just as many mistakes as anyone else.
So to the mommy who is out there struggling with their step-mom transition, please know that I forgive your blatant disregard for your step-son’s very important presence in your family. But if you continue to
declare reinforce that your
relationship with him will never know love, and that a bond is “unrealistic”
and “will never happen,” please know that forgiving your worst self is a journey
on a long and guilty road. Save yourself the mileage and sort that shit out.
You guys still like me, right?