I want to be all peaches and cream with well wishes and
support for everyone, especially for those that are well-wishing me. I want to [strictly]
harness positive energy and squash any and all negativity without paying it any
mind, like some sort of jolly giant that doesn’t see the bugs in its path as it
crunches along. But despite my all-smiles nature and happy ambitions, my dark
side is legit. When I’m crossed, when I’m cheated, when something just ain’t
right, I’m striking like lightening and chasing like thunder…which is really
just a fancy writer’s way of saying I’m a bitch, yoooow.
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Please know I’m not malicious- just a feeler! I feel
things immensely and my passion knows no bounds. It’s responsible for my
disdain towards Wal-Mart, demise of friendships, this post, and the reason I
hid the “12 Years a Slave” DVD from my husband for a week (it will ruin me). One
time I was so rattled by seeing a businessman throw trash on the ground from
his parked car, I marched over to him, picked it up, and asked him why he was
such an inconsiderate pig (ouch). And now that I’m a mom and have this
incredible love for another human life like none I’ve ever known or understood,
there’s a whole new set of triggers that will take me to the dark side. So in
advance, I’m sorry.
I’m sorry because I only give a couple passes. And I
only recently realized that the blogosphere isn’t necessarily a safe environment
from my wrath. I mostly get along with everyone from all walks of life but
damn! I was reading/following a seemingly nice mom’s blog for a couple of weeks
when I realized, WHOA- she’s freaking evil. I’m a big proponent of adoption…especially
older children The thought of a baby/child/person not knowing a parent’s love
kills me and I want everyone to feel special, protected, and to know that they
are somebody’s baby. So when I read this person going on about the hollow
relationship and lack of love toward their step-child because they didn’t have
the “physical connection,” I was taken aback. I wanted to like this person. I
continued to read past entries, looking for a bit of honey to coat my throat
that was just itching to say something- but I didn’t find any. Instead, there were
more and more entries about how annoying, inconvenient, and upsetting this
child was making her.
I bit my tongue (it’s still bleeding). I don’t want to
start some sort of war of words, hurt anyone’s feelings, or go here, there,
anywhere. I’m just a working mom from southern California who is as imperfect
and makes just as many mistakes as anyone else.
So to the mommy who is out there struggling with their step-mom
transition, please know that I forgive your blatant disregard for your step-son’s
very important presence in your family. But if you continue to declare reinforce that your
relationship with him will never know love, and that a bond is “unrealistic”
and “will never happen,” please know that forgiving your worst self is a journey
on a long and guilty road. Save yourself the mileage and sort that shit out.
You guys still like me, right?