DIZMOMMY > Bribing the Baby


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October 16, 2013

Bribing the Baby

There comes a time in every baby's life when they grow out of their vegetable state and become feral little creatures that grab, crawl and terrorize everything in their path. You can prepare for this milestone by "baby proofing" your home but those little rugrats are clever, determined and will surprise you with their resourcefulness when they see something they want. My only advice is you better watch out!

Dylan's number one ambition in life right now is to go, go go! So if I want to get anything done without becoming cross-eyed from micro supervision I have to consult my new best friend the play yard. The play yard is seemingly spacious and is equip with toys and built in activities to entertain and satisfy any baby…but mine. Dizbaby is unimpressed. Dylan is used to living like a Swiss cow with full reign over a vast space of land. To him, the play yard is inhumane and downright cruel. So like any skilled farmer raising their herd I have devised a technique to trick him into enjoying his confined time: bribery.

The first step in getting Dylan to sit in the play yard sans freakout is to pump him up. I put on my best Bozo the clown attitude and enthusiastically announce that he’s gonna have fun and play. It’s toy time ya’ll! Then I quickly place him in the play yard and grab a dissolvable cookie, holding it in front of him like a big prize until he’s enticed enough to take it and once he does I scram. VoliĆ ! My skills have unlocked twenty minutes of freedom. 

Though it is only a matter of time that Dylan catches on and outsmarts the 4 walls that contain him, for now I am a mommy genius to a happily confined cookie monster and it feels great.

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